Just another New Year's Eve

Sorry for the lengthy hiatus. Holidays have a way of making me retreat, for lack of a better word.

Had a lovely low key Xmas. I only have good things to say about the President's Choice Easy Carve turkey. They should call it the Easy Carve Turn-key.

Seeing as this Cycle (I'm on on day 36) has been a write-off, I haven't been thinking that much about the baby making efforts the last week. The RBU (Reproductive Biology Unit) at Mt. Sinai is closed until the 3rd, so I'm just holding tight. Planning to get that Clomid dosage upped and see if the doctor thinks Metformin might be worth trying as well.

Today is a day of note for Don and I. It marks 3 years since I discovered my darling on the World Wide Web of Love. It seems like we've known each other for more like 6 years. I thank my lucky stars that he responded to my first e-mail. (He almost didn't because of the thousands of miles between us).

No real plans for tonight. We may go see the Squid and the Whale at the Revue on Roncesvalles. I'm getting my hair cut this morning and I'm hoping for something a little more dramatic than my standard layered number. Wish me luck.

Bloody hell

"Life's song would lose its charm,

were there no babies to begin it."

I had TEN, count 'em TEN vials of blood taken from me today. I'm "doing it for the children", I tell myself.

Glucose Fasting, Insulin Resistance, HDL/LDL, Progesterone, HIV/AIDS, Hep A&B, Syphillis. The viral stuff was done in the event that we go down the IUI route. Don had those done too.

Still battling this nasty cold. Two more days until showtime. I'm sure I'll be in better shape.

My friends Kate and Sean had their second baby (a girl) on the 20th. Charlotte Bliss Lucienne Smith. I'm over the moon happy for them. And Charlotte--well, she's a pretty lucky girl with Kate and Sean for parents.

If I'm pregnant, or even better, with baby in hand by this time next year, I'll be beside myself with glee.

I have a code

Wouldn't ya know it. I've got a cold. Right before Xmas. And I'm hosting.

Granted, it's been a very long time since I've come down with a bug, so I really shouldn't complain.

Don said I should stay away from the computer today. He's right.

Today's agenda:

1. Have a cup of green tea
2. Have a quick shower
3. Trip to the post office just around the corner
4. Have another cup of green tea, plus some instant miso soup
5. Have a snooze
6. Finish reading Jane Fonda's biography (which I'm thoroughly enjoying)
7. Have another snooze
8. Have another cup of green tea
9. Watch Days of Our Lives
10. Set the table for dinner (leftover pizza)
11. Collapse in Don's arms when he gets home

Hey. Maybe colds aren't so bad after all.

The needle and the damage done

I've had just enough of the needles this last few weeks. In total, I've been poked about 10 times. Doesn't help that I've gotten weasier over the years (Must look AWAY).

Most, as you know, are blood tests to monitor my cycle but today I had thyroid related stuff done. (They say there's a link between thyroid and PCOS). Anyway, I've had a little lump (nodule) on my left side for the last 4 years and while 85% of these little things are benign, the endocrinologist thinks I should have it removed. They have no way of knowing if it's malignant until it's removed, so... one more ultrasound and biopsy. Then it's time for the Stanley Scalpel Show!

Off-topic confession: Don and I talk about baby names all the time. We're totally cursed, I know it. Last night we finally agreed on boys and girls names and it just got me all the more hepped up to get that bun cookin'! (*Obviously, I can't share our names because we'd be doubly cursed).

Another off-topic confession: I watch Days of Our Lives religiously. This will of course end (DEVASTATION) when I commence my new job.

More confessions to come...

Jessie Wilcox Smith...

...is my favourite illustrator of children. Innocent, angelic, curious and just plain adorable faces.

Here's a bit of info on her:

Jessie Wilcox Smith

This past year, I developed a wee bit of an Ebay problem. You see, I couldn't stop myself from purchasing old Good Housekeeping covers with JWS illustrations. I'd fork upwards of $30 (US!) at these things and then spend $40 having them framed. One day, they'll (hopefully!) adorn the bedroom walls of my own innocent, angelic, curious adoreable face.

Some people might find them a tad too sugary sweet for their tastes. But I just love them. And I'm not known as a sap by any stretch.

I do believe that as we get older, the weakness for children intensifies. (Not necessarily the desire to have children, just the appreciation of what makes little ones so divine). The wiser we get about life and how shitty it can be, the more in tune we are with what makes life sweet. And there's no arguing---a 2 year-old tip-toeing through the tulips or making their first attempt at baking is pretty darn sweet.

Follicle follies

Just returned from my 5th ultrasound for this cycle. It's pretty much a write-off at this point. Day 25 and the follicles are too small. There's a good number of them but they just aren't big enough. There's still a small chance they could expand in the next few days and produce an egg, but not likely.

So.... I'm getting a bunch of PCOS bloodtests, plus I'm having my glucose and insulin levels tested. AND both Don and I are getting viral blood tests done in the event that we go down the IUI route.

I've been seeing a lot of great Web sites detailing adoption success stories and I'd be lying if I didn't say they were having an effect on me. Here's just a few heart melters:

Fling Poo
Lula Grace
And Jemma Makes Three

Of course, we still have a fair ways to go before we explore the adoption avenue.

On a completely unrelated note, Don and I are going to try out the new gym in our condo tonight. My physical health has been woefully ignored as of late, so I'm quite anxious to get the heart a pumpin'.

So this psychic told me...

Well folks, this is where my life gets exciting. Two things happened yesterday. I got a job (that I was really hoping I'd get) AND I had a psychic tell me that I'd be having a baby girl "sooner than later." Not a bad day at all.

Now don't worry--- I don't take psychic predictions as gospel. In fact, this was my first psychic reading EVER. But let me just say that having someone focused intently, intuitively and exclusively on you and your future is a pretty intoxicating experience. I even said half-jokingly to Don afterwards "I think I could get addicted to this."

And in my defense, I didn't go yellow-paging psychic guidance. It just happened to be offered at the restaurant we were having dinner at. So there.

But who's kidding who. I'm destined for a 12-step program. I know it.

So Don and I caught a matinee today. Capote. You can't go wrong with Phillip Seymour Hoffman. The guy is brilliant. He had the affected mannerisms down pat. Not to mention the winsome voice.

Oh yeah, and I caught The Family Stone on my own yesterday. I admit---I was a slobbering mess. It was like a cross between The Big Chill and Flirting With Disaster with a bit of Terms of Endearment and Pieces of April thrown in. Diane Keaton is fantastic. I even found myself thinking if I had to have a celebrity mom, that's who I'd want. She's just so cool. Smart. Witty. Looks great in a turtleneck and white shirt. Totally holds her own in a room.

I hope that one day my child can hold their own in a room.

Without being an ass, of course.

I'm a marketer and yet...

... I'm pretty stumped on how to let all you other cool bloggers know that I'm out there. Venting to oneself is not nearly as fun as unleashing on others, after all.

There's something about a brand spanking new blog that is less than attractive, of course. Aside from being the new kid on the block (or even better, new kid on the blog), which can I'm sure illicit wary skepticism and a silent, prolonged initiatiation of sorts---there just plain isn't much to read! This is my second entry for chrissakes!

Oh well, Rome wasn't built in a day, I guess.

So with that, I'll leave you all with a promise---everyday I will present you with something new. Could be riveting. Could be dull as bricks. Could be inspiring. Could inspire vomit.

For now, I will leave you with today's top 3 reasons we want a baby:

1. Finally! Proof that the world doesn't revolve around me
2. Those tender, meaty 6-month old thighs that demand daily (hourly) squeezes
3. Ah yes---a little person who will listen intently (if only while an infant) to Don's love of Jedis, Jawa's and The Edmonton Oilers.

Where to begin?

Well, let's start with a little introduction to moi...

I'm a 33 year-old Ontario girl who married a nice boy from Alberta. We found each other via this fantastic medium. December 31st, 2002 was the day "est1972" discovered "Shadowtron" on the World Wide Web. (*Let me make it clear that HE was Shadowtron).

I gave Alberta a shot for a year and a half and---well---to paraphrase a little tourism tagline, Ontario is now his to discover. So far, so good. He's actually been accused by his fellow Albertans of having the "Toronto is the centre of the universe" mentality, after a mere 3 months in the T-dot.

As my blog synopsis indicates, Don and I are passengers on the Good Ship Infertility. All we want is one cute little fry and we'll be happy. Two would be grand but one would joyously cut it. For those who are cruising along with us, I'm sure the following rundown will be familiar...

• Tried for almost a year but irregular cycle made ovulation prediction less than optimal
• Got the boy's fish tested and were informed that he was "average". He loved discovering that he was "average."
• Had the tubes checked (OWWWW!) and thankfully they were as clear as a Windex-ed window
• Currently on Round 3 of Clomid (100mg). Day 21. Have had three ultrasounds in the last week and follicles are not developing the way they should.
• Set to go in for another ultrasound on Day 25. This is because my average cycle on Clomid seems to be about 40 days, so that would put me 15 days ahead of my next cycle. 14 as you know, is when the egg is laid so to speak---if I have eggs to speak of.
• Doctors say they will up my dosage to 150mg if nothing happens.

So, there you have it folks. It's relatively early in the struggle so I haven't given up hope. I know there are many women who have trudged the infertility trail for years. My hat goes off to you.

If the Clomid doesn't work after another three cycles, we will likely explore IUI. I have no desire to go at this for an inordinate or indefinite period of time. Life's too short, in my opinion.

Looking forward to hearing of the trials and tribs (and victories!) of others like me.